Graduation has come and gone. The Christmas season is past - with my first ever White Christmas, might I add. I rang in the New Year with my closest and dearest friends. Then, I had a life changing experience. I went to Passion in Atlanta with my College group. I have been before so the going to said conference was not the most significant thing to happen. The following, however, is.
I must start by saying that because I'm so inconsistent with updating this blog, each time I post, I go back and read what I've previously written to y'all (assuming there's more than just me reading this). Now the fun part begins...
While at Passion this year, I experienced Christ, learned so much, and got taken to the "holy woodshed" more than I ever have before. Jesus really did a number on me this time. It was one of those conferences where you feel like every speaker is talking directly to you. Picture Louie Giglio standing on the stage at the Phillips Arena saying, "______, your God has a name and his name is Jesus." I experienced that over and over for four days. And this brings me to my first point...
I have always considered myself - since salvation, at least - to be a "God-fearing person". On the final morning of Passion, Louie was talking about Paul carrying the Name of Jesus where ever he went. Then, I realized right in the middle of the talk...I hardly ever say the name Jesus. Why is that? I spent the next 20 minutes of the talk wracking my brain for how many times I've ever said Jesus in a conversation. Outside of using it sarcastically (i.e., Friend, Jesus doesn't like it when you miss church.), I can't say that I ever really say His name. Then, I began to wonder why? Am I ashamed? Do I think it's uncool? Does it feel weird coming out of my mouth? I still can't answer that question. That morning, I learned that no matter where we go, no matter what we do, our sole purpose is to carry the Name of Jesus in whatever way we are able. To McDonalds, flipping burgers. To Wells Fargo, counting money. To West Morgan High School, teaching social studies. To Gigi's, making cupcakes. To Passion City Church, leading worship. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter where you go as long as you carry the Name. There it was. A major "lightbulb" moment. I needed that. It's almost like Jesus knew what I needed...Weird...
[Please note the sarcasm in that last statement. Okay, moving on...]
As I've previously confessed, I have control issues. I have to know everything about everything. This makes me a worrier. And the fact that I just graduated from college and I had some lame job that I hated (but now realize that it didn't actually matter how I felt about it as long as I carried the Name), just made things worse. I was so worried about my future. It clouded my every waking thought. However, with a large dose of David Platt, a dash of Beth Moore, a pinch of Andy Stanley, and a bucket load of prayer, I am learning to find hope in the unknown. If you know me, this is huge for me. PRAISE JESUS. David Platt talked about sacrifice - giving up everything (coughFUTUREcough) for Christ because He demands radical sacrifice. The lovely Beth Moore spoke on the renewing of the mind, thinking about old things in new ways. And, finally, Andy Stanley addressed appetites (my longing for, ahem, success).
There in the Philips Arena, as David Crowder's music bounced off the walls, suddenly, I felt peace come over me. I knew that everything was going to be okay. I belong to the Savior of the world. The only man I would ever give up my life - and my future - for.
Now, a little over a month later, I'm learning to live out my new epiphanies. Jesus showed me so much at Passion. Though I'm not on the "spiritual high" I had when I returned from Atlanta, I am growing closer to Jesus and constantly reminding myself that Jesus calls us to a life of radical sacrifice - which means that I now think twice before buying those $70 Lucky Brand Jeans. I'm also reminding myself, and asking Jesus to remind me to carry His Name. Because at the end of the day, at the close of my life, whether I finally find my husband, or whether I live in some old house with 13 cats, I will ask myself one question, have I lived in a way that will glorify the One who gave me life? Did I live a life that bore witness to my calling? Did I carry HIS NAME?
-M
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