Grocery Lists

I have, as I'm sure everyone does, certain characteristics or things that I look for in guys. Some of them are pretty extreme, even irrational. But I wonder if this is just me being materialistic/vain/difficult or if I want these things for a reason. I know that whoever God has created for me will be attractive to me in every way. However, I cannot help but wonder if I will be disappointed, even just a little. There are certain things that I want because they will match my personality or my way of life. But what if I'm not supposed to want these things. What if I have asked too much of this person I don't even know? That's certainly not fair. What bothers me more is that in all of my internal debating, I am left with the feeling that I lack faith in Him, in God. He knows my every thought, my every desire.

I talked with a dear friend over coffee recently (how very college-y of us) about this whole "grocery list" issue. It's almost like I've made a mental checklist. I was comforted by the fact that she had too. On a side note, I hope that everyone has a friend like mine. I can talk to her about anything knowing that she will never judge me. If you don't have a friend in whom you can confide, find one. She has saved my sanity and encouraged me in my walk with Christ more times than I can tell you. Back to the task at hand...

I find myself meeting guys an writing them off if they don't meet these qualifications. I'm beginning to wonder if it is wrong to have this list. What if I've missed my husband somewhere in the middle? Just because he didn't play guitar or stand a dazzling 6 feet 2 inches tall (picky, I know)? I wonder who put these desires in my heart. Was it me or was it God? The Bible promises that He will give us the desires of our heart. He lives in us and creates these desires in us so that we might follow the path that he has set out for us so that we might grow closer to Him.

It was over coffee and a long conversation that I began to realize that I wouldn't want these things unless God wanted me to want them. (Did you follow that? hahaha) It is true He will give us the desires of our hearts because HE put them there. He is the one that has filled our hearts and our minds and our souls with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 says the He knows the plans He has for us. He will prosper us and not harm us, give us hope and a future. I am coming to believe that these nit-picky things that I so desire in my Beloved are there for a reason. It is these things that will tell me when I have found him. Then my lovely friend shared a story with me about one of her close family friends. This woman prayed for weeks and developed a list of qualities for her husband. She prayed and prayed over this list. God told her that she should not marry a man who did not meet each and every point on the list. One day, she met him. He met all of her criteria, God's criteria. She made this list by listening to the Almighty, by waiting for a certain quirk or quality to be placed on her heart so that she might add it to the list. You can imagine how the story ended.

This story gave me hope. God always gives us what we need. In that conversation with my friend, I needed encouragement. I needed to know that I wasn't crazy, that I wasn't just some silly girl dreaming about something she would never have. God is writing my love story. I am learning to trust Him with it more and more each day as I pray for my Husband and my future with him. Besides, who knows more about love than God?

-M